Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
