On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
