saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
