I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We named our party play list daddy issues
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
