we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
