HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
