Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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