i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he puts the penis in happiness.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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