grandma shit on top of the toilet
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
