This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
