My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
