Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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