I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
