Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize