he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
People in love make me want to vomit
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
