I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
