Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
