Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
