so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
