you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
