Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
