I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
