i would punch a child for taco bell
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
