I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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