if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
