I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
