im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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