My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
