So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
