it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
