Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
