I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
