She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
