By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
