Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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