so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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