Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
