Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
