Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
