why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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