After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
