I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize