Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
