apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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