also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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