Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
