grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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