I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He did a backflip because drugs
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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