remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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