did you get engaged???
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
