I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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