forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
