Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize