She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
