I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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