I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
