The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
