he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
