Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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