I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
