gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
