Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I want is dick and wine.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
