it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Randomize
