I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
