P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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