i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
