i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
