i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
