are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
