I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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