holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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