Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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