My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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